Free falling

It is still not clear to me of what went on in my head that night. I was dizzy and wind all breezy, alone we were in the balcony ; it was midnight, the moon sparkling above us and I just gazed at you. Our hands touched and it sent a current across my body. And I couldn’t stop myself from leaning in and kissing you. I wanted to lean on you and kiss your lips but my passion didn’t match my guts and all I could do is leave a peck on the cheek. But the night was not yet over and an army of butterflies were just waiting to break loose, lift me up on it’s chromatic wings reaching amidst the clouds.
We kissed and I swear those lips tasted mystic and powerfully captivating, and while you embraced me I felt the safest. It was like free fall, you swept me off my feet and I had no control over it. And that moment was just the beginning of it all.

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Reaching Out

I wonder why the human heart is what it is.
Why is it so difficult to let go? To move on?
Why does it ache so much?
I tried to call you
I left you texts
All unanswered
Left me wondering, what have I done so wrong? Was my love not enough? Did my emotions mean nothing to you? This void that you have left is like a black hole pulling in everything within for it to be lost.
Tell me you are going to see the light one day, tell me there’s still hope that these shattered pieces of me will fall in its place again, tell me you will hold my hand cause I am trying to reach out, I am trying to be saved.

Dual

I stood in the hall clenching my teeth

How do I blanket the wildfire beneath,

Fist could blow apart a thousand walls

Your voice could put over it layer of shawls

A familiar rage suddenly overpowering

Breaking things and hearts, thought that was daring

I could smell it – my lungs full of fumes

Burning down yet another favourite costume

Words so mean, acts so cruel

In me was living a dual.

ITS NORMAL, ITS NATURAL

‘Blemished cheeks
And unwaxed skin
Dark under thighs
Matching my eyes’

Looking back in time, my teenage self abhored this body. In a crowd I would look out for judgemental looks, for I felt conscious all the time.
I felt flawed.
That was the time, when outer beauty is what mattered to me. And such is the society, because we grow of watching advertisements on the television depicting a fair skin tone equals beauty. The matrimony section having descriptions like seeking bride / groom of fair complexion. Companies would advertise their products on how good they are at fighting pimples but nobody said ‘ITS NORMAL, IT’S NATURAL’

As I grew up I realised, it’s not the face that matters, it’s the heart that matters. The depth, the understanding, and the love that you’re carrying within yourself; that is the real deal.
It took me years to realise that.
Maturity comes with age but it is a lot easier if you have somebody sharing their experiences.

Admitting

I lay staring into nothingness
Night after night
Fight after fight
Pitch dark- my room and my emotions
Wish there was a sign for precaution


I woke up to the sun shining on my face
And everything is back to how it was
The moment I’m alone, it hits me again
Steam of tears roll down
For all the unanswered questions my heart seeks for
I scream my lungs out into the pillow
There’s only so much I could take- my heart so mellow
Ran and ran as far as I could
Guess it’s time to admit
To admit I’m unhappy.

Days

There are days when I seclude myself
To the thoughts of myself
Of how far I have come
And how far I’m yet to go

There are days when I seclude myself
To the dark room
Full of regrets
Full of ‘why did I just make that decision?’

There are days when I seclude myself
Just to ponder upon how my head works
And check synchronisation with heart
Because that’s just how it’s supposed to be

There are days when I seclude myself
To the world of dreams
To the places I can’t be at
Afterall, day dreaming does bring a faint smile

There are days when I seclude myself
Just to revisit the past
And smile at all the happy times
And tell myself “life isn’t all that bad”

There are days when I seclude myself
Just for the sake of it
Just to be alone
Just for some ‘me time’

Because in the end what matters is
how well I know myself
how much I am comfortable in my own skin
and how much I love myself

This sunflower

Rising from the ash
This sunflower never meant to crash
Helium filled lungs ; skin on fire
Only meant to silence this burning pyre
This sunflower- petals of gold;
Roots seldom grow cold;
Buds laced with vibranium
That could light up an entire millennium
And this light that you see in the dark
That my friend, is my spark.